clip of the day, ‘Lord Vader? Sir Lord Darth Vader?’ edition

Eddie Izzard-Darth Vader in the Death Star Canteen

unsavory

What defines a fashion icon these days? Certainly not any real style. The kookier one dresses, the more of an ‘icon’ they become. “But they’re revolutionizing the fashion world!” you say. Oh, really? I give you the proclaimed ‘fashion impresario of the nineties’, Chloe Sevigny:

'Dress like me and you too can become a miserable wench.'

At what point did fashion turn into a contest of who can be the most kitschy? 

Rachael Ray is (still) My Nemisis

An average person can have an accidental good idea.  It happens often enough I suppose.  The person who invented the pogo stick most likely didn’t know what they were doing.  Whoever invented jam didn’t do it on purpose, did they?  The point is, we should not hail these common folk as genius simply because they stumbled upon something fantastic.

For instance, the chef who supposedly invented those tasty chocolate lava cakes was said to have inadvertently removed said cakes before they were done baking, and instead of admitting to his error, served the cakes to the amazement of all.  Was this man a culinary genius?  Hardly.  He made a rather stupid mistake.  In fact, his achievement was only realized because he refused to admit his obvious blunder.  That only goes to show the lengths people will go to in order to hide their stupidity.

That brings me to my current state of confusion as I perused a new recipe of Rachael Ray’s that I found…not entirely detestable.  I know, I know, I am as intolerant of her cooking as I am of having my temperature taken (not the same for dogs, you know).  So you can imagine how shocked and appalled I was at seeing this recipe for Chinese spaghetti and meatballs and not feeling the urge to eat grass before having breakfast (round 2).

I'm special!

I can only say that it was not only satisfactory, but left my taste panel clamoring for seconds.  One can scarcely believe such a thing would happen, but there you have it.  I must therefore conclude, dear readers, that Rachael Ray stole the recipe.  There.  I said it.

Unsavory

I will be continuing, dear readers, to post periodically on ridiculous footwear that plagues humanity.  There are always designers who create merely for shock value to be sure, but at some point one must wonder, does anyone know how to design a practical shoe anymore?

If only I had found myself in posession of the shoes on the left in, say, 1972.  I would have been the envy of all the dogs at the kennel show, flaunting shoes that more than tripled my height.  They also come with hidden compartments full of dog biscuits and coffee.  I do love a good cup of coffee.

The shoes on the right, however, would finally bring my dream of being a Budweiser Clydesdale to fruition.  Or at the very least I would leave the tracks of one.

Unsavory

Honestly, I was unsure as to whether I was even willing to dignify this topic with an entry, but alas, I feel that I must.  It is unfortunate that a dog, who does not require footwear except when in snowy climates or if they hike a lot, must even be the one to bring this to the attention of humans who are CLEARLY the smarter species. 

Rachael Ray is my Nemesis

As a working dog myself, I understand that after a tiring day at the office one is seldom in the mood to prepare a 3-course dinner that involves hours of preparation and slaving over a hot stove.  But how can one honestly expect to produce every meal in 30 minutes (or less!)? 

Getting her fist in her mouth in 30 minutes or less!

Please understand that I am most certainly not implying that a delicious meal cannot be prepared in half an hour.  I myself have a particularly mouth-watering recipe for Roasted Chicken Purses that is ready in half an hour with only the slightest of effort.  However, when any and every recipe this woman runs across is butchered into a 30 minute time block?  Flavor is sacrificed.  Unnecessary shortcuts are taken.  STOREBOUGHT ITEMS ARE USED WITH RECKLESS ABANDON!

Make It!

Sweet marmalade, the puff pastry dough was the epitome of sumptuous delight!  Light and flaky, it went from ingredients to dough in a mere 15 minutes, and with only 2 hours in the refridgerator necessary for it to firm, it hardly required any forethought or preparation far in advance.

I used a portion of the puff pastry dough on a chicken pot pie which, when fed to my panel of tasters, was met with waves of compliments.  One taster even stated that it was “the best chicken pot pie I have ever had in my life.  Period.”  Another asked “what on Earth is in the crust, crack?  I can’t stop eating it!”  For the record, I most certainly did NOT put cocaine or any other narcotic into the puff pastry dough.  However, it was still addictive.

I hereby give this recipe the Von Throttlebottom paw of approval.

To make or to buy? That is the question.

When perusing the local supermarket, one cannot help but be appalled at the rows of ready-made foodstuffs that claim to taste ‘just like Mom’s’, which is only a true statement because your mum cooked with a blindfold on.  Are so many willing to sacrifice flavor and quality for the sake of a few minutes saved?  What on EARTH do you need to do that’s more important than serving savory, nutritious food to yourself and your family and friends?

I will, however, admit that not all such products are sub-par.  In fact, a few products taste as good, if not better, than anything some self-proclaimed ‘culinary masters’ might churn out.  I will be posting regularly on items which I will personally test, substituting handmade for store-bought which will then stand up to the rigors of my tasting panel (ie., unsuspecting guests with a discerning palate).  By doing so I will save you, the reader, the hassle of determining what is, or isn’t, worth the effort.

Suit of the Season

Although summer is waning, there are still countless warm sunny days for one to explore the many faces of fashion’s oldest chameleon.  I am, of course, referring to the suit.  Today’s youths view the suit as stodgy, uncomfortable, and downright murderous to their chance of engaging a lady friend.  Lads, take notes.

The khaki suit, ideal for summer’s sweltering days and sizzling nights, can easily transition from office professional to party-ready with little if any effort, if only to remove the clip-on tie your dear mum so lovingly attached before leaving a lipstick stain on your cheek and sending her ‘little dear’ off into the big, bad world.

Impossible you say?  Never.  Impractical?  Quite the opposite my boy.  Inconceivable?  For you, perhaps.  Behold, two superb examples of the khaki suit in action:

Heroes' Milo Ventimiglia highlights the khaki suit's practical application.

Jeffrey Donovan of Burn Notice is all play.

Regardless of the application in which this suit is worn, it will without a doubt give you the edge over any woman, regardless of how dour her expression might be, for what woman could resist a man dressed so dapper?  I jest, of course.  There are still boundless opportunities for you to ruin your chances with any lady.  But as she glides away from you, as a delicate doe between the legs of a lumberjack, you can be certain that her objection was not founded on your attire.  Your coiffure?  Perhaps.  Your breath?  Most likely.  Your one-liner?  Quite.

LeSportSad

LeSportSac is touted as a ‘luxurious romantic collection of chic and fashion forward bags.’  This darling little number will set your pocketbook back $120.

One cannot help but feel that the Director of Marketing was at an AARP-sponsored air show, saw a particular fashion-savvy octogenarian sporting a fanny pack on their shoulder (after copious amounts of funnel cake and hot dogs stretched their midsection beyond the pack’s maximum circumference) and thought ‘I wonder if I could pass that thing off as a handbag???’  For some, perhaps, but do not expect to see me pawing for it.