Jesse James
aka Baron Jesse von Throttlebottom
aka Chubby McStuffin
Food.  Wine.  Fashion.

Abandoned as a wee pup, I was given the moniker Talon by my rescuers for my pronounced claws.  However, after spending some months at a rather drab animal shelter I aspired to form an alliance with several other dachshunds.  I was summarily banished for bad behavior, but not before being branded as Jesse James after the famous, or rather infamous, outlaw.  Since my adoption I have developed a disdain for the poverty which characterized my former life.  In place of survival instincts I have cultivated a rather discerning palate for good food, fine wine, and a well-tailored trouser.

 

 

Bandit
aka El Perro Rojo, Loco y Flojo
aka Surly Grouchypants
Business. Politics. Gadgets.

Bandit likes:
-red meat
-growling
-a bull market

Bandit dislikes:
-you
-a bear market (refer to portrait)
-anyone who tries to get between him and his dog biscuits

 

 

 Rachel
aka Rat
aka Ratty
aka Silly Trollop
Celebrity. Gossip. Vapid thought.

I don’t remember much, really.  I want to say I was named Trixy before, but someone thought that was dumb, so, whatever.  I loooooove dressing up for parties and having my fur brushed 100 times a day because my agent said that if you don’t look cute enough you’ll end up on the streets which is so not hot.  Let’s see, I love pink, but I really love every color (because everything goes with black, stupid).  I think all celebrities should have black fur because then they would look cute happy cute like me and not like hot messes.  OMG I LOVE Brad Pitt!!!  But why is he with Angelina?  I could totally have more babies.

 

Deano
aka Mr. Snigglesworth
aka Sniggy
Music. Art. Death.

Music sucks.  Art sucks.  Life sucks.  I am le tired.